we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Pińatas plus fireworks don't mix well
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
