do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
