i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
