I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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