apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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