I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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