dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
from now on my penis is your penis
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
