she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
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