Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
