explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
