I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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