Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
