I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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