You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
