did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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