EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
