Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
