Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
she was so not down for the gang bang
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Randomize
