he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
