As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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