Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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