I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
