First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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