She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
