so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
