Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
