I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I have grass duct taped all over my body
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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