so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
