her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
