well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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