I think I am morally bankrupt
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
