fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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