Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
