Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
