so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
How naked do you want me to be?
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