i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
