He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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