Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
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