Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
