I want to have your abortion
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
