How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Randomize
