My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
