she kept yelling 'call me bella'
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
