It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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