im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
