If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
