Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
