well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
