i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
