Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
