He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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