best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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