I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
