your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
